In childhood, he was always Eddie; as a man he insisted on being called Edward. That seemed grand for a life that always seemed stunted by crushing inner self doubt and a kind of thickness. As if the injured soul within was muted by double-paned glass. You could look in and see that there was something there but that something never really found its way out.
Sometime over the last few days Eddie died. He was found this afternoon by a neighbor. Newspapers and mail piling up. Those classic indicators that usually are reserved for movies and reality TV shows. He was 63. All his life except for childhood and a brief unsuccessful attempt at marriage, he lived alone. He worked at a state mental hospital; he retired. He did a little fishing. He read potboilers. His car and his condo were littered with fast food refuse, cans, junk. Uncertain of himself and of his place in the world, his reclusive tendencies grew as his energy to pretend ebbed.
Eddie grew up loved. He just never believed it. Raised by an aunt and uncle alongside their two natural children from the time he was six (he was orphaned at eight), he was always treated like a sibling not a cousin. But his Eeyore factor was stronger than all the reassurances that family could offer him. Eddie believed he was a loser so he evolved into one. A self-fulfilling prophesy of the most tragic kind.
It's been years since I've seen Eddie. But every time I see his sister, my oldest bestest friend, I ask about him. She called tonight with the news. There aren't many people in the world to call. But I'm one of them. One of the few who would care. She observed to me that she thought Eddie was ready. I believe he was too. Ready for a respite from bitter self-loathing and from a stint on this earth that never seemed fair. Not to him.
Edward Casey, R.I.P.
Truffle: A viewing of Nowhere Boy, the film of John Lennon's formative years. An intriguing flick that opens up a window on the man John became. But best of all was the stalwart company of two pals who helped make it possible for Gimpie Stout to go to the movies. Thank you Jamie and Stephanie!
Quote of the day: "One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by your inferiors." (Plato)